A Very Traumatic Experience

May 22, 2012

After you read this, you’ll probably think I’m crazy. And you know what? I sort of think that too. But I am 100% dead serious when I say that last night was one of the scariest experiences of my life.

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I got super excited when I found this recipe for Cheesy Jalapeño Popper Baked Stuffed Chicken on Skinny Taste, one of my favorite recipe sites. Sounds amazing, right? I got all of my ingredients together in order to start the process of creating these yummy little things. I start up a few pieces of bacon in my cast iron skillet. (The cat was FREAKING OUT. I swear she is a dog sometimes….)

Between running from the kitchen to the living room to watch America’s Got Talent, my mind was a little absent from this particular cooking session. However, I had no idea what was about to occur.

I grab three jalapenos, as the recipes calls for, and begin chopping and de-seeding (that’s a word, right?). I am extremely careful not to touch my face and I know that it would probably end badly if I did. What I did NOT know is that gloves are needed when dealing with jalapenos.

Once I finish chopping, I feel my upper lip begin to tingle a little. I had been using the top of my wrist to scratch it, so I didn’t think that there would be a problem…. all of a sudden I start coughing madly.

I grab the pitcher of lemonade out of the fridge and yell at Nick to get a cup.

As I proceed to pour lemonade over the entire kitchen floor, my face feels like it becomes engulfed in flames.

I begin to run around the apartment like a mad woman, in too much pain to cry. (And I’m a crier. You know it’s gotta hurt if I can’t cry.)

I scream at Nick to look online at what to do (poor guy.)

He says, “it says here that you have to wear gloves when chopping jalapenos…” Since I wasn’t exactly in the best of moods, I yell back, “that doesn’t really help me right now!”

He responds, “it says you need to get in the shower and rinse your face with soap.” I jerk my clothing off faster than I thought possible and hop under a freezing cold shower.

By this time, the tears start. I am in so much pain, even more than when I was in the hospital few months ago. The soap doesn’t seem to be working. I call out to Nick and ask him what to do. He doesn’t know, and is really worried about me.

Eventually the soap calmed the burn and I was able to get out of the shower twenty minutes later.

As I dry off, Nick looks at me and says… “you know, I was going to suggest we order pizza…”

I was a little speechless.

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The moral of the story, friends: jalapenos are not playthings. Wear gloves when handling them. Or else your face and fingers will sting and burn until you contemplate sawing them off with a butter knife. (They finally stopped burning this morning at about 9 a.m.)
Also, you know you need help are a blogger when during this entire mess you think, I’m in so much pain that I can’t take a picture of this for my blog!
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