August 5, 2012

I don’t know even where to begin, and I’m pretty terrified to do so.

I’ve told myself over and over again that I want to lose weight, be more active, and tone up. Each week, I’ve recommitted to the fact that I will eat more healthy foods and actually work out. Each week, I have failed.

I don’t know what else to do. I’m not looking for pity here, I’m honestly looking for help.

Is it time to scrape up the money and join a real gym with classes and trainers? Or is it something I can do from the comfort of my own home? I don’t know.

All I know is, I’m unhappy. Last week, Lindsay and I went to a yoga class at Lululemon and my stomach was so big that it actually hurt to bend over. I almost cried.

I feel lazy, huge, all around too blah to function. I don’t know where to start.

I’ve mostly cut out sodas. I do drink a lot of water, so that’s a start. I’ve tried making better recipes but everything seems to taste the same.

I can feel myself dwindling. I get out of breath from the easiest of tasks. I constantly compare myself to others. On the 4th of July? I didn’t go to a pool party because I didn’t want to wear a swim suit in front of other people.

None of my clothes fit. I find myself going up to sizes I never thought I’d see. Even then, nothing fits right. I wear skirts and dresses instead of pants because they’re too tight to be comfortable.

I need something. I don’t know what it is, but I need to be happy with myself again.

I want to look like this again.

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