That Time I Had a Panic Attack at Our Wedding

March 19, 2013

(Here’s my first post on my struggle with anxiety.)

On your wedding day, so many things can possibly go wrong. I was lucky. If anything went wrong, I didn’t know about it. It was truly a perfect day. Well, almost perfect.

Let’s back track a few months. I met with our photographer and she explained to me the pros and cons of doing a first look, or a staged moment where the groom sees the bride for the first time. Many people say this is bad luck, but I’ve never been one for superstition. In fact, I tried to do as many things as I could for our wedding that broke tradition. But I digress.

I was all for the first look. I thought it would be a cute moment that would take the pressure off of that perfect moment when the church doors open. Nick was a little more traditional, though. He wanted that moment. It was pretty important to him that he didn’t see me before the ceremony, so we decided to skip the first look. The photographer didn’t pressure us one way or another, but in all honesty, I wish she had pushed us a little more to do it.

The day of the wedding came. I hadn’t spoken to Nick since the end of the rehearsal dinner and I was starting to get a little nervous as the makeup and hair began. I can’t express to you the nervousness that overcame me. I was shaking, couldn’t sit down, and felt like I was going to be sick. All I wanted to do was talk to Nick, but I was told that I couldn’t. (This is one thing I wish I had fought more. It was MY wedding dammit.)

By the time I got to the lobby to line up, I was shaking like a leaf. I felt weak in the knees and in the July heat, I felt like I was going to pass out. There was just so much pressure and anxiousness overcoming me that I actually had to excuse myself to the bathroom.

Y’all. I really didn’t think I was going to make it down that aisle. I thought my dad was going to have to carry me. All I could think of was, “don’t fall. Stare at Nick. He’s the only one you need to look at.”

 

The entire time I was standing on the stage, I was trying not to have a panic attack. I had a beautiful wedding, but it was all a blur. Having that time before the wedding to see my future husband and to get the initial jitters away… it would have been so worth it. I had such a beautiful wedding, but if I could do it all again, I would have done a first look.

Did you/will you have a first look?
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