Rules of the Grocery Store (A.K.A. That Time I Almost Got Into a Fight with an Old Lady)

June 24, 2014
I’ve lived in Texas for about two and a half years now, and for some reason it seems to me like no one here understands the rules of the grocery store. I don’t know if it’s because there are so many people here or what, but as Nick put it so perfectly the other day, I “can rarely go to the grocery store without having a traumatic experience.” Unfortunately, he seems to be right. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I’m going to have to start taking a freakin’ anxiety pill when I go to the grocery store.

 (I went to Trader Joe’s for the first time this weekend and it was amazing. Nothing like the rest of the experiences in this blog post. I just needed a pretty photo to pair with this post. Carry on.)

So, I asked my amazing Twitter followers and Facebook friends to help me out with a list to help those that seem to be challenged in this area. Let’s start with the parking lot and work our way down the list…

Stop driving the wrong way down the one-way lanes in the parking lot. Do I even need to explain this one? I think not.
Not putting up your buggy in the correct place is just lazy. (Note: I understand if you have kids that it may be difficult to do this all the time. Please don’t kill me.)
Parking in handicapped spots when you are clearly not handicapped. Nothing burns my britches more than this, y’all. I will give you the death stare if I see you doing this.
When driving a shopping cart around the store, act like it’s a car. Just be aware of those around you and stay to the right. Be careful when turning corners and for the love of all that is holy, say excuse me every once in awhile! (This was the most common comment I received!)
Stop talking on your phone. Seriously. Again, there are obviously exceptions to this rule, but if you’re just carrying on a casual conversation and being totally unaware of what is going on around you, just stop.
If you have to leave your cart or walk away for a minute, don’t leave it in the middle of the aisle. Seriously, that’s just rude. I had to try to squeeze around a cart last weekend while the woman just stared at me. I eventually just moved her cart out of the way. Just don’t do it.
Do you really need to bring everyone in your 10-person family to the store?? I mean honestly. How many people does it take to grocery shop? Is it like a big vacation for the family? This is just so unnecessary.

And perhaps the most important of them all: leave some room between you and the person in front of you when you are checking out! We are all trying to get out as fast as possible, but if I feel you breathing down my neck I’m going to give you the death stare. I’ve had this happen numerous times at my local HEB and I’m amazed every time.

Unfortunately, the worst offense I’ve experienced happened just last week. I stopped by the store to pick up a few things and made my way to the check out line. A guest was checking out in front of me, and my rule of thumb is to stay at the end of the conveyor belt until that guest has gone so that I’m not all up in their grill. As I’m standing there, this woman behind me basically runs me over to grab a divider and starts loading her stuff up. By this point, I’m already starting to get annoyed. But by the time I need to pay, I scoot back to pay and this woman hits me with her cart! The worst part? She doesn’t even look up. Even when *I* apologize for bumping into her. This kind of thing has happened way more often than I can believe and I’m seriously confused why people around here don’t seem to understand personal space!

Am I the only one that experiences crazies like this at the store? What rules should we add to the list?

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