If you've been with me since the beginning, you'll know I moved to Houston in January 2012. It was the first time that I moved more then 75 miles away from my parents and the first person in my family to ever move out of the state. I was a thousand miles away from everything I had ever known, in the fourth largest city in the country.
Granted, I know I'm luckier than most. I had (and still have) an amazing, supportive best friend who also happens to be my husband. But it's not the same.
I know what you might say.
"She's crazy."
Just hear me out, okay?
In college, I was almost constantly around by people that I knew. My school wasn't big, maybe 6,000 undergrads. It had a small community feeling and I loved it. Being a part of the Greek system made it feel even more tight-knit. If you walked into your classes on the first day, you probably knew someone's face or name.
But Houston... it wasn't like that. I was completely surrounded by strangers. Total anonymity. (On one hand, do you know how awesome that feels? To know you can go to the grocery store looking like a hot mess and there is no chance you'll see someone you know? It's awesome.)
After a while, it lost it's awesomeness. I mentioned many times that the reason I began blogging was to find out more about the city to which I was moving. Once I started attending the blogger meetups, I realized that I actually had a group of friends in Houston that I really connected with. FINALLY.
But here's the kicker: what do you do when you're thrust into a world that's already established? People who have grown up here, have their friends and family, their churches, their book clubs. They're not looking to find a new best friend. But you... you are. You're an adult, trying to find a new playmate on the playground of life.
Coming to the realization that you are breaking into this world is a very weird feeling. I think the reason that Lindsay, Meg and I have gotten so close over the past few months is that none of us are originally from this area. We moved, all within the past two years, to a new city and had to basically start anew. But then there are other friends of mine, who have lived here for much longer. I love them just as much, but it's such a weird thing to think that you're coming into this established world. It's very much like a new student at a high school. The cliques are established... how do you break in?
The thing that I struggle with the most is accepting the fact that some people already have their friends. They have lived here for so long, and just aren't looking to add more. They're at capacity. (Is that even a real thing? Too many friends?)
I know not everyone is like me. Some people thrive on being alone and don't mind it one bit. I feel like this sometimes, but I'd much rather have that friend that I can call up at 4 p.m. on a Friday afternoon and ask if they want to go sit and drink with you for a while. (Thanks for that, by the way, Meg!)
Have you ever moved somewhere and had to create a new social circle?
How did you meet people?
23 comments:
I love, love, love this, and of course, I feel the same way. It can be difficult. Truly, the only people I've hung out with on my own time are you and Meg. (Mostly you.) I know we weren't able to connect in January because of my trip, being sick, grad school, etc. BUT no excuses for February. Let's make it happen. :) Love you, Whit!
P.S. I LOVE this photo of the three of us. One of my favorites of all blogger events to date.
you're awesome whitney :) and i'm glad you found them. I feel so blessed that wherever I go I'll have a church family. We were in relief society (the womens meeting third hour at church) and talking about the benefits of having this instant group of friends. They might not be my best friends - but at least they are people who care..and that is a beautiful thing.
so if you're ever lonely ...there is that church building down the street :P
love you!
-elisabeth
I can totally and 100% relate. My family up and moved to a new town when I was 13. Where I didn't know a sole. Everyone had their friends since pre-k and weren't too quick to let people in....so that made things very hard. I tried changing who I was to fit their bill and in the end I realized that wasn't what I should be doing. Now, I live in a new town after college and find myself in the same situation. All of my friends live in another town- so I go there almost every weekend. It's hard as a young professional to go out and meet friends- def not as easy as college, but blogging surely helps too!!
I completely feel you on this. I moved here in 2005 and still don't have a really close group of girl friends. I am "friends" my husbands friends and their wives, but they all grew up here so they all have their own group of friends outside of our group. I wish y'all lived closer down here and I'd come hang out with y'all ;)
I love this picture of you three! And yes I have felt this way so many times in Houston. I just can't shake it; it's hard to pick up and move from everything that's familiar. But you are getting there girl....and thank goodness you started blogging so that I could get to meet you as well :-)
When I was younger I was constantly being shuffled between St. Louis and Chicago because of my parent's divorce, so I kind of know what you mean! :)
I'm glad to have met you through DZ! And I'll go to happy hour any day. Just let me know!
Awwww ::hugs:: I am glad that even if it feels excrutiatingly slow, you are building your circle of friends. That is great! I know it is hard and frustrating. What a relief to know you have some people - other than your husband! - to rely on.
XO
I have the same problem. Most people I work with are older to so its hard to meet people. I have met alot of people since we joined a church but they are all from around here so they have friends since hs and its very hard.
Awesome post! This is what I'm so worried about when it comes to graduating this year and moving to a new city. I know my family won't be too far behind, but how do you find friends when you're working a 80 hour workweek? There's so much more to life than eat-sleep-work-repeat. Glad you're finding new friends in Houston though - they seem like some wonderful blogging ladies.
Y'all are beautiful!
I want to meet ALL of you someday :)
1 down, two to go...haha!
YAY BLOG FRIENDS!
xo
AMEN SISTA FREIEND.
Also my hair is so big... its full, full or SECRETS!!!
love you
I am so glad you have found some amazing women - and I can't wait to check out their blogs:) I'm with you - it's so hard to make new friends as an adult for the very reasons you mentioned. I feel that way with a lot of bloggers in my city, too. Ugh.
first of all, that's a gorgeous picture of you girls! and second, I don't think you're crazy - I think you're unbelievably brave :)
I definitely know the feeling! Except it's opposite for me in that all of my friends moved away from where we all grew up. It's such a weird thing making friends as an adult! And it's a lot harder too!
You're super lucky that you live in such a great blogger community & get to attend all the fun meet-ups. =)
This is such a great topic. I'm lucky that right now I live relatively close to my friends, but I worry about moving and encountering the same problem. I think you can always find the right friends, it just may take a little more searching than it once did. I'm so glad you have a little group to call your own. People who think they have reached their capacity don't know what they are missing when they pass you up as a friend! :)
Still in the process of this, actually! I moved to Lafayette because my husband's job is here. One of my best friends actually lived here, but she recently moved. We have couple friends, but I don't have any friends that I can call up on a Saturday to take a trip to Target with. It's hard to make friends in a town where half are still in college and the other half are from here and have the same friends from when they were 5. But I am so lucky to have my husband!
Honestly, even growing up here and then coming back to work here after college has been difficult, too. It seems like everyone moved away, except for a few friends. I really think blogging has helped me established a network here. I'm glad we have connected and gotten to know each other through blogging!!
I went through a similar thing moving to Austin. I moved here for a boy, so initially it was ok because I just kind of merged into his social group. When that fell apart, though, it was kind of a scary realization that 'oh hey, I don't actually have any of my own friends here.' Enter Meetup groups and Meetin.org and even some platonic Craigslist action, and things are better now. Though I'm still looking for a core group of lady friends here (my two best friends aside from my boyfriend are guys), and would love if they 'got' the blogging thing.
I think making friends as an adult is such a difficult thing, especially if you move somewhere new. Trying to create a circle of friends has been an adventure, that's for sure, but I moved only a few miles from where I went to school. I can only imagine what it's like moving somewhere else. I'm glad to see you've finally made friends though, and I hope you learn to love your city soon! xoxo
look how pretty you girls are. Amen whitney, it's def hard to start over but there are some advantages to it too. I want to sip wine with you sometime!
I totally feel like this right now. Although I made some friends during freshmen year of college, I was so focused on my academics that my social life was basically non-existent. I'm still trying (I'm in my sophomore/junior year), but groups have already formed and it's so hard. I'll be done with college next year and I don't know if it's worth it as I'm not sure if I'll stay in NYC or go back to LA after college /: It doesn't help that I'm a junior (due to AP scores/total amount of credits) and most of my friends are sophomores. I feel so confused in between grades.
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